Trouble Requires a Response

What is your first reaction when someone does something wrong? I’m afraid I am quick to forget a verse in 1 Corinthians that I memorized as a youngster. “Love does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in right” (13:6, RSV). As I think about families told to stay home and children not attending school or church, I see the potential for trouble. I well remember pointing out the missteps of my brother and sisters. However, I didn’t enjoy my children doing the same any more than my mom did when I was guilty.

A Community’s Response to Trouble

The Babemba tribe of Zambia, South Africa, and The Congo follows a unique tradition for managing people who cause trouble. Someone in the tribe commits an offense. After gathering around the offender, each person names good things the offender has done. Their words speak of strengths and expressions of kindness and give life through storied remembrances. This process may take a few days. After everyone has contributed, the ritual concludes, and people celebrate. Then the tribe welcomes the offender back into the community.

People-Building Invites Changes

In Jayson Georges and Mark D. Baker’s book, Ministering in Honor-Shame Cultures, they relate how Yurityz Villasenor used this story. One day, in response to an unruly first-grader, she put the children in a circle. Then she gave each one a chance to tell what the offending person did that the others didn’t like. Some complained about things the child said. Others complained about aggression. Villasenor agreed she had observed the same kinds of actions. During the discussion, the offending boy stood away from the group.

Then the teacher asked, “How can we help others?” Almost every child in the class contributed ideas. So, Villasenor turned to the offending student and invited him to sit in the middle of the circle. As soon as he got settled, she told the children, “I want you to say something positive about your classmate.” She nodded toward the offender. Villasenor’s attitude infected the children. Like popcorn popping, most children spoke. One girl struggled. Finally, with coaching, she too found an acceptable response.

The offending boy soaked up the expressions of affirmation. His countenance changed, as did his behavior. Although we only have a snapshot of this method, the glimpse encourages us to address trouble with approaches that aid child development.

Think Through Your Response to Trouble

Parents want their children to enjoy their studies. But reality in child-rearing can differ from dreams. Search for ways to affirm each other. Your attitude and manner of speaking can change the atmosphere created by hours of togetherness in tight spaces. Sure, you must take steps to correct the wrong behavior. But a significant part of correction comes with restoring the offending person to community. Explore how you are shaping the hearts of those God has entrusted to you. Choose to act out of who you are in Christ, rather than to react in frustration.