Making connections with children requires getting into their world. In our shelter-in-place atmosphere, a typical result of close togetherness is stress. Changing study habits to e-learning, being unable to mix with friends, and being forced to stay home increase kids’ stressors. Adult pressures with relationships, economic factors, daily needs, and fears add to the challenges. Put it all together, and temperamental fuses are easy to light. Think about approaches to communication that subdue the hornets’ nest in our midst.
Think Through What You Are Doing
No one appreciates someone who barks orders. Calm down. Get control of yourself before you try to settle situational strife. Since the best communication takes place when people feel close to one another, attempt to stay connected. Remember, when a person feels connected to us, that person opens to our influence. When speaking of entering a room, the Koreans use the word “nunchi” (noon-che), which means “eye measure,” taking a quick look to evaluate what you see. What do you see that is not right?
Connections Involve Listening
Listen carefully. If we barge into a situation with our mouths in gear before we grasp the factors involved, we act on incomplete information. I recall being in the other room when I overheard one son speaking. However, I failed to see what happened before he reacted. Good listeners carefully check their assumptions before jumping to conclusions. The snapshot that catches our attention is only a part of the more extensive video. Beneficial connections require listening. Early in parenting, I learned the wisdom of:
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.
Proverbs 18:17
Our best listening occurs as we look one another in the eyes. With small children, we kneel to get into their world. We compromise our ability to listen when we carry a smartphone. The device in our hands communicates divided attention. We connect when we take time to hear what the child says. Try to avoid interruptions unless you are trying to clarify what you are hearing.
Hearing involves our eyes. In a Family Circus cartoon, the little girl said to her dad, “Daddy, you have to listen to me with your eyes as well as your ears.” Read the body language of the people in the room. Survey the room. Listen to the words you hear. Is something not being said? Sometimes the unspoken is more important than the spoken. Why was that important fact left out of their story?
Respond Respectfully
Our words are most effective when spoken with a normal speaking voice. For the children’s sake and ours, we want to get control of ourselves. If we are not in control of ourselves, how can we have a healthy conversation? Nunchi teaches us to listen, so the children know we understand their point of view. To improve our response, we can speak as directly as possible. Remember, no one likes to listen to repetition, repetition, repetition. Our reactions on the front line of family clashes invite us to remember our roles. Parents, the attitudes, words, actions, and responses we are modeling form the patterns our children will follow. We want our children to show respect, use tact, and practice good manners. The way we practice those character traits in the middle of strife teaches our children how to act.
Strengthen Your Connections
A parent’s best teaching unfolds during the quality time spent with the family. When we show genuine care to one another, we build better communication bridges. The natural expressions of gratitude, appreciation, and praise build the self-esteem of family members. And our positive efforts paint the big picture of the relationships we want to develop. The different personalities will create glitches in harmony. However, the willingness to understand one another will aid in working through altercations. Pray for inner peace and take a deep breath. Then give those in your charge your best.
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Posted: March 31, 2020 by Harry Lucenay
Making connections with children requires getting into their world. In our shelter-in-place atmosphere, a typical result of close togetherness is stress. Changing study habits to e-learning, being unable to mix with friends, and being forced to stay home increase kids’ stressors. Adult pressures with relationships, economic factors, daily needs, and fears add to the challenges. Put it all together, and temperamental fuses are easy to light. Think about approaches to communication that subdue the hornets’ nest in our midst.
Think Through What You Are Doing
No one appreciates someone who barks orders. Calm down. Get control of yourself before you try to settle situational strife. Since the best communication takes place when people feel close to one another, attempt to stay connected. Remember, when a person feels connected to us, that person opens to our influence. When speaking of entering a room, the Koreans use the word “nunchi” (noon-che), which means “eye measure,” taking a quick look to evaluate what you see. What do you see that is not right?
Connections Involve Listening
Listen carefully. If we barge into a situation with our mouths in gear before we grasp the factors involved, we act on incomplete information. I recall being in the other room when I overheard one son speaking. However, I failed to see what happened before he reacted. Good listeners carefully check their assumptions before jumping to conclusions. The snapshot that catches our attention is only a part of the more extensive video. Beneficial connections require listening. Early in parenting, I learned the wisdom of:
Our best listening occurs as we look one another in the eyes. With small children, we kneel to get into their world. We compromise our ability to listen when we carry a smartphone. The device in our hands communicates divided attention. We connect when we take time to hear what the child says. Try to avoid interruptions unless you are trying to clarify what you are hearing.
Hearing involves our eyes. In a Family Circus cartoon, the little girl said to her dad, “Daddy, you have to listen to me with your eyes as well as your ears.” Read the body language of the people in the room. Survey the room. Listen to the words you hear. Is something not being said? Sometimes the unspoken is more important than the spoken. Why was that important fact left out of their story?
Respond Respectfully
Our words are most effective when spoken with a normal speaking voice. For the children’s sake and ours, we want to get control of ourselves. If we are not in control of ourselves, how can we have a healthy conversation? Nunchi teaches us to listen, so the children know we understand their point of view. To improve our response, we can speak as directly as possible. Remember, no one likes to listen to repetition, repetition, repetition. Our reactions on the front line of family clashes invite us to remember our roles. Parents, the attitudes, words, actions, and responses we are modeling form the patterns our children will follow. We want our children to show respect, use tact, and practice good manners. The way we practice those character traits in the middle of strife teaches our children how to act.
Strengthen Your Connections
A parent’s best teaching unfolds during the quality time spent with the family. When we show genuine care to one another, we build better communication bridges. The natural expressions of gratitude, appreciation, and praise build the self-esteem of family members. And our positive efforts paint the big picture of the relationships we want to develop. The different personalities will create glitches in harmony. However, the willingness to understand one another will aid in working through altercations. Pray for inner peace and take a deep breath. Then give those in your charge your best.
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Category: Marriage & Family Tags: communicate, connections, control, eye, family, listen, speak