Complaints! How to Live Through Them

Complaints of many kinds attack the pastor’s heart like pirates seeking to steal his joy. Since the time of Moses in the wilderness, people have been grumbling about God’s leaders.

For example, one man seemed to find joy in stopping the pastor between the pre-service prayer time and his entrance into the sanctuary. “The toilet is stopped up in the men’s restroom. You need to do something about that.” Another man sought to convince the pastor God had told him what the pastor should preach. Still, another thought he hadn’t heard a sermon unless the preacher mentioned: “sin, hell, Satan, and eternal damnation.” Elsewhere, the deacons argued for one and a half hours because the former pastor dared to remove the outhouse and install a proper toilet in the church. “You aren’t supposed to do that in the church.” And I haven’t mentioned complaints about or from staff members. Money, music, sermon length, temperature, the nursery, everywhere one looks, some criticism is incubating.

Pay Attention to Your Highs and Lows

I found Sunday to be my high energy day. The largest gathering of the congregation takes place on the morning of the Lord’s Day. Some pastors take Monday off to recharge their emotional batteries. I, on the other hand, tried to do a little study on Monday mornings and administrative work in the afternoons. By mid-afternoon, my adrenaline ran dry. I knew vulnerability lodged near the surface of my thin skin. So, in my younger days, racquetball helped me sweat out the dregs of spiritual and emotional exhaustion. Later, a walk outside helped me turn my attention away from the nagging voices ringing in my ears.

When my days were heavy with counseling or trying to make peace with different church factions, I often sought peace in ministry. I have jokingly said, “My preaching doesn’t kill many people, but it makes many people sick.” Once a church grows, more members need hospitalization. Visiting them usually meant I left the troubles I was addressing in the office and gave attention to people who enjoyed seeing the pastor. I could listen to them. And if the possibility allowed me, I asked one or two simple questions about their walk with our Lord. Then we usually prayed.

Complaints Point Pastors to Advisors

My ministry experienced the enrichment of older pastor friends. As the load became too heavy, those confidants helped me better understand the dynamics of what was taking place. They listened and counseled me. And they shared my burdens. 

Early in ministry, one of my deacon friends advised me to “act, don’t react.” I’ve grown to understand he meant learning to act out of who I am in Christ. No healthy Christian wants to react according to the offensiveness of a moment. Many times, the best response is to request time to pray through critical remarks. As part of praying through the issue, explore God’s wisdom in the Bible.  Seek wise counsel from an impartial person.

Complaints Invite Change

Complaints can lead to meaningful change. Once, we had two Sunday morning services with the same order of worship in both. The first service dragged. We had a group of younger adults who complained about the lack of a service with their kind of music. We listened to them and created an opportunity for people of different opinions to speak to the possibility of change. Not everyone wanted change in the first service, but we agreed to develop a trial run. Within a few months, that service’s attendance doubled, and the other service maintained a healthy attendance. We had created a new door of worship for the congregation. And we had kept the best of the former two services.

Complaints Require Self-Control

Sometimes an honest human response produces impressive results. One lady made a Monday afternoon appointment with this pastor to tell me she didn’t like the previous night’s sermon. She expressed shock when I told her I wouldn’t say I liked it either. 

She asked, “Why did you preach it then?” 

I said, “I didn’t intend for it to come out as it did. But you are not here because I was not too fond of the sermon. You are here because you didn’t like the sermon. Let’s talk about it.” 

Our conversation led to the development of warm friendship with the lady and her husband.

Don’t let complaints surprise you. The people with whom we are working are human beings, just as we are. People see things differently. Everyone has an opinion, and not everyone will like everything. I used to get upset because people didn’t like something I was doing. Then I realized I don’t like everything I do either. Ask God to help you take complaints in stride and honor Christ with your spirit. If there is wisdom in what you hear, accept it. Otherwise, seek God’s guidance in your response.