A Pity Party on the Way to Better

The Pity Party occurred in the kitchen. The little brown-eyed blonde sat in disappointment corner. With crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks, she looked into the eyes of her doll. The sad, one-sided conversation slid off her lips, “Poor me.”

The temptation to bury ourselves in our pity party knocks at our heart’s door when life doesn’t go our way. At times, problems suffocate us. None of us can change yesterday. We cannot remedy every situation. But we have a choice; we can make life work despite personal pain. Let me suggest some steps to insert change into your perspective.

You’re Invited to Your Pity Party

Hurting people need a time and place to deal with their hurt. Since this party is about you, you don’t need many people. However, you need a time and place to address your emotions. Make your Pity Party a party for one.

Face Your Feelings

What has happened? How do you feel about it? What is happening? What do you fear may happen? You may have pains, frustrations, troubles, or losses. Face your reality as you see these life issues. Condense your problem into one brief, written sentence. Then define your emotional reactions to your struggles and how they affect you.

Cry at Your Pity Party

When I was a young teen, Lesley Gore sang, “It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you.” More than once, her words and tune have played in my mind. Now that you have scheduled your Pity Party, you have permission to cry. Even Jesus wept (John 11:35). Weeping can be therapeutic. For many, tears release the tension enslaving the mind. But you also want to find other healthy ways to work through your emotions. 

Tell God Your Feelings

Tell God your problems. Perhaps you feel sorry for yourself. You may ask God why something hurtful has happened. Maybe you feel inadequate. Assuming you don’t want to wallow in self-pity, ask God to help you question the way you see things. I discovered that challenging my self-talk helped me recognize my unrealistic thoughts. Everyone has difficulties. When we are healthy, we realize other people are not just thinking about us. Therefore, ask God to help you practice Paul’s challenge. 

So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always.

Philippians 4:8, The Passion Translation

Look for Ways to Change

Your future depends on devoting your thoughts and resources to more productive activities. First, since we live life from the inside out, quit telling yourself how terrible life is. Then ask God to help you accept what you cannot change. (You may need to ask him several times.) Next, list the realities for which you are thankful. Finally, focus on what you can do to help yourself. How do you need to adjust your thinking, talking, acting? What can you do with what is available to you?

End Your Pity Party

All parties need to end. Your happiness begins with you. Sure, you have problems. But don’t allow self-pity to suck the life out of you. Resolve to get out of disappointment corner. After that, stretch your world by considering what you can do for someone else. Then life will be better for you and everyone around you as you change your way of seeing.

Step into Your New Future

The world will still have suffering, failure, and unhappiness. But you don’t have to spend the moments and hours of your time magnifying your woes and blaming others. Instead, you can be a difference-maker. Explore the treasures God has placed in your life. Also, let Christ shine through you into the world around you (Philippians 2:13-16). As you do, you will see the world from the perspective of One who sees you as fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-16).

Caution

Some need a word of caution. If you are experiencing mental illness, this Pity Party is not for you. You need to reach for help from someone you trust and a professional health practitioner. 

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